How 2 Men Gently Unravel the Ties That Bind Cult Members

A Philadelphia couple has carved out a rare niche: coaxing loved ones out of destructive groups—without ever using the word "cult." For four decades, Patrick Ryan and Joseph Kelly have handled cases ranging from the local to the international, sometimes putting themselves at risk to help families reclaim relatives ensnared by charismatic leaders and high-control organizations. Their approach is anything but confrontational. Instead of the dramatic "deprogramming" tactics of decades past—which sometimes involved kidnapping or force—Ryan and Kelly work quietly from the inside out, embedding themselves in family dynamics and slowly building trust. Their method is subtle and prolonged, sometimes lasting years.

They start with a thorough assessment ($2,500 up front, then $250 per hour), then coach families on how to communicate without alienating their loved one. The goal is to strengthen existing relationships and gently encourage doubt, never directly attacking the group in question. Occasionally, they orchestrate low-key meetings with the person involved, always under the guise of being family friends or mediators. One key to their strategy: find "50 things" to agree on about the group before voicing concerns. Ryan and Kelly believe that appreciating what draws people in is essential to eventually loosening the group's hold. "You can't just interfere with someone's life because you don't like what they're doing," Ryan says.

Their work is shaped by their own pasts: Both spent years in what they now recognize as cults, specifically as Transcendental Meditation instructors. They see the groups they target as filling real needs such as alienation, trauma, spiritual longing. The process is slow and messy, with no guarantees. Sometimes, it takes decades for a person to return. Ryan and Kelly are careful with labels, preferring to talk about "cultic relationships" rather than cults themselves. They emphasize skepticism and open-mindedness, both for themselves and the families they help. "The only way [some questions] can be answered, in my mind, is by a feeling," Ryan says. "And that feeling is so easily manipulated." More here.