When Jeanette Cooperman met her friend Ann Mandelstamm for lunch in 2023, Mandelstamm looked great. She still hiked in her 80s, still walked 72 flights of stairs every day. Which is why Cooperman was floored when Mandelstamm informed her that she planned to end her life soon. "I decided years ago that my mid-eighties would be a pretty good run," Cooperman recounts her friend saying in an essay at the Common Reader. Besides, Mandelstamm added, despite her appearance of vitality, she was falling frequently, blind in one eye, and had a host of ailments associated with old age. Perhaps most troubling, "I can feel my cognitive bandwidth shrinking."
Last year, Mandelstamm went through with her plan at age 85, in the presence of a friend in her St. Louis home and with the support of her three adult children, whom she asked not to be present. "I want you to remember me when we were having fun!" was her argument. In terms of method, Cooperman writes that Mandelstamm had the resources and wherewithal to "figure this out on her own." Cooperman wrestles with Mandelstamm's choice in the essay—the idea of a person ending their own life when they are still capable of making the decision, before a stroke or accident. Mandelstamm, as she put it, knew she "may have to leave something on the table," and Cooperman is making her peace with that. Read the full essay. (In euthanasia, choosing the right moment is sometimes referred to as "5 to 12.")